blog post #18 - packing pop art – London’s calling...

so, you might have heard i’ve got an exhibition in London coming up?

no biggie!

except - eh hang on - it is a biggie!

like, a massive, put-on-your-big-girl-pants-(maybe 2 pairs)-kinda-biggie!

& yet, weirdly… i’m calm

like suspiciously calm…

maybe it's ‘cause it hasn't really sunk in yet

maybe it's ‘cause i already bared my soul once before at the borders art fair & survived with all my limbs (& dignity) intact

or maybe, just maybe, the woo woo is working – ok that’s it i think i’ve officially lost my sh*t

ffs usually i’m worried about freaking out & now i’m worried about NOT freaking out, at least i remain versatile, if nothing else!

thing is i’ve been working hard on rewriting my neural pathways - & yes i’m an artist but that doesn’t mean to say i don’t geek out on science sh*t, brain science no less

so either the universe is whispering:

“you’re worth it. you have every right to be there. you wouldn’t have been selected otherwise”

& i’m actually starting to believe her

or

all the logic answers i am now giving to the wee, very unwelcome, voice no.2 in my head is starting to pay off

but come on now i can’t pretend it’s all incense & affirmations over here

i’ve still got the logistics to wrestle with…

London is far from home, like 430miles from home!

& packing your entire creative soul into a car (along with ten layers of recycled bubble wrap, cardboard corners & the constant fear of chipped frames or worse still broken glass) is no wee thing

eh & then there's the not-so-minor challenge of driving said car through London traffic, navigating one-way streets & rogue cyclists while trying not to pee yourself (why do i always need the loo when i get close to my desintation? – just me?)

anyway

so it’s me vs. the M6, the M42, the M… infact it’s all the f*cking M’s!

no contest really

the M’s win – eeek!

luckily though, i’ve got backup

her name’s Marilyn, & she takes no sh*t

"for real!"
painted pop art collage featuring Marilyn Monroe

ok so she might make me feel empowered when i look at her but she doesn’t know how to work the satnav

so i’ve got double backup – enter Pablo (the husband)

as i’ve said before he hasn’t signed up for the spotlight so i’ve changed his name for privacy reasons obvs!

real name or not he is the logistical muscle to my total pop art chaos - he’s the guy making sure my kweens arrive in one piece while i low key freak out as the passenger princess (hmmm saying kween there didn’t have quite the alliteration ring, sadly!)

but back to Marilyn

another of my kweens starring in my FLUX exhibition is “bestiest love”, also featuring the one & only Ms Monroe

"bestiest love"
painted pop art collage featuring Marilyn Monroe

she once said:

“i wish brilliant women had the confidence of mediocre men”

that quote’s been sitting on my shoulder as i prep for the show

whispering in my ear every time that wee voice no.2 kicks in

‘cause let's be honest, there’s still that wee voice that says:

“who do you think you are?”

& then i look at my work, & i remind myself: i’m an artist with something to say & it needs to be shared

my kweenie’s don’t just hang on walls – they’re an attitude for your walls, a reminder of who the f*ck you are

i’ve created them with all the fire i’ve felt & all the fire i’ve had to fake on days when the doubt got loud

there’s Marilyn, obvs

& i love what 1 of my followers (check me "followers", who knew!) said about her:

“she makes me feel like i could do anything!”

then there’s Audrey all angel wings & elegance, in "soar"

proof that women backing women isn’t just a vibe, it’s a f*cking necessity if you want to make it & stay sane

"soar"
painted pop art collage featuring Audrey Hepburn

there’s “understand me” featuring Nina Simone, proving that grace under pressure is the ultimate flex

"understand me"
painted pop art collage featuring Nina Simone

Rita Hayworth who features in “you think?”

she’s my “get-shit-done” kween

she’s the reason everything is wrapped & labelled, oh & that there’s even an inventory spreadsheet ffs!

"you think?"
painted pop art collage featuring Rita Hayworth

each kweenie in this show (there’s loads more btw these are just a select few) feels like a wee bit of my own personal revolution tbh

they’re layered with rage, courage, heartbreak, defiance, desire, self-worth, sisterhood, sensuality & just a wee bit of sparkle

basically, i’m not going alone, i’m taking my whole kweendom with me

hmmm maybe that’s why i’m feeling calm? ‘cause i know i’m not doing this solo

the woo woo whisperings say "i’m ready" & Marilyn says “walk in like you own it!”

LONDON, WE'RE COMING FOR YOU!…

love you, bye

kx

PS so what have i learned getting ready for my time in the big smoke?

1. sometimes calm isn’t a warning sign, it’s a win!
it means the trust is kicking in. trust in yourself, in the work, in the journey (cliché i know but how else do you say it?)

2. prepping for an exhibition isn’t just about bubble wrap & spreadsheets - it’s emotional prep too. the kind that says:
“you’re allowed to take up space. you’re allowed to shine.”

3. you don’t have to feel slick, sorted or 100% ready to say yes to big things. you just need enough belief to shove the fear in the back seat (alongside the extra loo roll & knickers if you’re me!)

4. Marilyn was right. it’s not brilliance we’re missing, it’s the f*cking nerve!

PPS i sold "you think?" before she even got in the car to go to London - wtaf!?

x