ok so if you read my last post, you'll know where this started
silver screen icons, the brain fog, my new collection, maybe losing my shit, the whole fcking lot!
(& if you didn't then go read it, cause it sets the scene)
but i want to keep going cause Audrey was just the beginning & now we need to talk about Marilyn
she’s the one everyone thinks they know, her public image was blonde. breathless. that dress. that laugh
someone men wanted & women were supposed to envy
or at the very least, not take seriously
the OG blonde bimbo, JFK’s side piece!
except...
she absolutely, categorically was NO bimbo
here's what marilyn monroe actually was, if you can bear to look past what “they” decided she was
she supported multiple charities for years, including donating every single penny of the world premier of “The Prince & the Showgirl” to "Free Milk Fund" for Babies
she didn't announce it
she just did it
so some might say a tart with a heart but still a bimbo…
nope she fought 20th Century Fox for (& won) a higher rate of pay than any woman in Hollywood
setting the expectation for all women
& we’re not talking pennies - $100,000 bonus straight off the bat
ooft that’s huge cause that was 70+ years ago, kween!
she started her own production company
‘cause if they were going to typecast her then she’d build her own fcking company – a total pioneer of her time
her personal library was 400 books strong
she was reading Dostoyevsky (hard for me to type let alone know who he was – did you?) on set while the people around her laughed at her for it
she said:
"i now live in my work & in a few relationships with the few people i can really count on. fame will go by, & so long, i've had you, fame. if it goes by, i've always known it was fickle. so at least it's something i experienced, but that's not where i live."
that's not a bimbo talking
that's a woman who looked the whole male dominated machine square in the coupin & knew exactly what it was & said so
but what gets me most is she never got to her crone era
she never got to be a woman of a certain age (OMG just quoted that wee dick Gregg Wallace WTF!)
anyway she never got to be the version of herself that was fully hers
& i wonder about that now
what she would’ve been like?
would she have felt the pressure to have the plastic surgery
or grown old disgracefully
or maybe even tell hollywood to get to actual fck?
would she have walked away like audrey did
gone somewhere quiet
started the veg patch
become even more herself?
gutting but we'll never know & i reckon that’s a genuine tragedy
but it also makes me think about what we do with the years we have
(scary to go here but i will, funny how when you get older this kicks in - or is that just me?)
& this is where my new collection, “she never left”, came from
it isn't just about these iconic women
it's about us
the ones who are still here, coming up to or entering our crone era (ooft sounds rank doesn’t it, anyone else seeing the ugly witch in Rapunzel right now?)
the ones in the fog
& i want to be honest with you
cause as i said in my last post i started this collection in a bit of a fcked up mess – perimenopause has hit me hard!
& the thing is if i don’t have much time left (not being morbid or anything but Marilyn never got the time - & don’t start me on her death, kweenie the conspiracy theorist is for another blog post)
then i don’t want to lose myself to it
but also it’s so hard to navigate the absolute fcking noise surrounding it
it goes something like this:
take HRT
no go holistic don't put that shit in your body
eat less, move more
fast, don't fast
inflammation is the silent killer
but collagen loss is worse
don't forget to take extra collagen
cause god forbid that your skin melt off like candle wax ffs
but don't forget your 2 scoops of creatine
consider grounding
go hug a tree
wear this magic ring
stick this patch on your arse
aww fck me i'm just gonna just raw dog it & lie in darkened room!
(although actually i will go hug a tree, no judgement, if it helps it helps!)
but do you get me?
i know, me of all people, should see this as a privilege to age
but sometimes its just really fcking hard to be grateful
& i end up in survival mode!
OMFG this is all giving America Ferrera iconic Barbie speech vibes
but if you spew all that shit out to your partner do you scare the shit out of them & risk becoming another stat?
erm the average age women divorce in the UK? - 43.9
the age perimenopause typically starts? yep you guessed it
there's even a name for it now, “menodivorce” & 7 in 10 women in one study said
perimenopause or menopause contributed to their relationship breaking down
& only 1 in 5 of them even knew that at the time (cause no one talks about it)
we're not falling out of love
we're disappearing under the weight of symptoms nobody prepared us for
& taking the hit for it in fcking silence
‘cause god forbid we be a woman of a certain age who has feelings about it
& somewhere in the middle of all of that
you're supposed to remember who TF you are
you're supposed to keep running a business
holding down the job (cause we fought for the right to work)
show up for everyone
still be funny
still be on
still perform
still… i think you get the picture
& us women "of a certain age"?
we're doing it right now
there's no real research, you know not proper research
‘cause for the longest time all the studies, all the trials, all the data - done on white straight men
obvs
how stoopid of us to wonder whether our specific
entirely female biological experience might be worth, i don't know, actually researching – we only create actual life ffs!
so, we're figuring it out in real time, ourselves
swapping intel in group chats like a covert fcking ops team
holding each other up
which is, now that i think about it, exactly what those women were doing in my mum's kitchen in the 1980s
& exactly what marilyn was doing for the women around her too,
quietly, behind the scenes, where the cameras couldn't reach
& here's the connection i keep coming back to
what marilyn knew, what the women in my mum's kitchen knew
what you probably know too & aren't being given the room to say:
the thing the world sees is not the whole of what exists
the world saw a blonde bombshell bimbo
& underneath was a woman building an empire, funding children's charities
reading dostoyevsky, holding herself together through things she never talked about
the world sees you
maybe it sees a woman of a certain age
maybe it sees someone "losing it a bit" or being “a lot” right now
maybe it sees someone fading
but that's not what's happening
what's happening is the clouds
& the clouds are not the end of the story
marilyn never reached her full kween era
but you're in yours
right now
in the fog, in the chaos, in the hormones, in the burn out
& the hob nobs & the crying in the studio (well if you’re me that is)
(no i will absolutely not be elaborating on the hob nobs – my Instagram stories tell all though!)
this is it, kween
this is the era
my new collection “she never left” isn’t just a collection about Marilyn, Audrey
or the women history flattened into headlines & stereotypes
"she never left"
kweenie original feminist pop art portrait featuring Audrey Hepburn
it’s about the version of ourselves that never actually disappears
the one buried under hormones, grief, brain fog, self-doubt
caring for everyone else
or years of being told to pipe down & be grateful
she’s still there
sometimes she just needs digging out
that’s what i’ve been trying to paint
every kweenie in this collection is a wee rebellion against disappearing
a reminder that the world only ever sees part of the story
& that women have always been far more complicated
clever
funny
messy
& fcking powerful than we’re given credit for
so, if any of this has hit you right in the ovaries (sorry i had to say it), go have a wee nosey at “she never left”
"bellus"
kweenie original feminist pop art portrait featuring Marilyn Monroe
meet the kweens
read their stories
see what i’ve been quietly making (erm well not always quiet tbh ‘cause listening to country music whilst creating this collection tipped me right over the fcking edge - loud sobbing just saying!)
Marilyn never got her full kween era
yours is here for the taking
claim it!
love you, bye
kx
PS could have saved myself an existential crisis had someone told me this sooner ffs!
- the version of you the world's decided on is not the full story & never was
- Marilyn was no bimbo. she was underestimated. there's a difference. don't let anyone make the same mistake about you
- if they think you’re too much then tell them to go find less!
- & finally if, like me, it is perimenopause for you… maybe give country music a wide berth for a wee bit kween!
x
