sorry no audio for this one kween still can't talk without coughing up half a lung :(

erm ok so let me set the scene a wee bit

back in August i was nominated for an award:

Creative in the New Earth Business Awards

at first i thought it was a scam (i get emails all the time from my website contact page from people trying to sell me shizz!)

anyway i cried when i realised it was actually real - not sure if it was my hormones or literally just the overwhelm of running a business (OMFG it’s hard sometimes) & someone actually saw me!

so, i had to answer some really tricky questions & if you know me already i was just really honest

i really can’t seem to be anything else, just not in my nature & of course there might have been a wee swear word or two in there too

but i thought fck it this is who i am & sent back my answers

OMG i got shortlisted to the final 20 – wta?

next stage was to get testimonials from a collector/client & a mentor & also do a 5min video chat to camera as to why i deserved to win the award

i mean 1. i’m Scottish

& 2. i’m a midlife female currently in recovery from all her "good girl" conditioning

& i’m asked why i deserve something – cooked!

but i did it anyway

& fluffed my way through it (channeled my inner kweenie LF!) & even made the deadline with 3mins (not joking btw) to spare (I do NOT recommend btw)

then i made a huge mistake…

i began to google the other finalists & my wee inner voice no.2 (i call her “Gemma”) said:

“ooofft you don’t stand a chance kween!”

so i stopped googling & thought do you know what i’ve never done anything like this before, so i told Gemma

“that’s as maybe bish but i’m gonna go just for the shits & giggles anyway!”

then came the real problems – wtaf do i wear?

i thought about it A LOT but…

i don't know about you but perimenopause has made me so disorganised & i left it way too late to actually get an outfit but i found a dress in the back of my wardrobe – phew!

& thank God it was stretchy 'cause this menobelly is not it, btw!

then i freaked out ‘cause OMG a 2 night stay away how many pairs of knickers do i need?

so i did the only sane thing you should do & i sent an e-mail to my kweens asking their advice

not joking their answers were off the chart (see image below – this is a genuine reply)

so, i ignored the advice pictured & took 73 pairs in all shapes & sizes (including my big girl pants – essential!)

turns out the big girl pants were a no though… the VPL was REAL

so i tried on the other 72 pairs & almost considered going commando at one point

so glad i didn’t though cause i nearly actually peed myself when they called my name from the list on screen!

think i scared the bejesus out of the room with my involuntary scream that came out – think that’s what really tested my pelvic floor tbh lol!

then i had to negotiate a long dress, heels & steps up to the stage – not for the faint hearted

but i made it & without a trail of wee – result!

i did mess up though ‘cause i actually mouthed the F-word as I got on the stage – it just came out with all the shock & the event host & organiser said (over the microphone)

“i saw that, get TF up here & collect your award!”

so i did

& just like that

i'm an award-winning artist!

WTAF?!

i can't actually believe i've just typed that

the journey i've been on since becoming a full time artist has been absolutely wild!

& if you've read this far i'd love to give you some profound words of wisdom about all of this

but tbh i'm still trying to get my head around the fact that i actually won!

but here's what i will say…

next time that wee voice in your head tells you, you don't stand a chance, tell her to GTF!

'cause turns out Gemma doesn't know shit!

love you, bye

kx

PS sometimes all you need to do is:

1. do the work (on time!)
2. show up
3. & hope your pelvic floor holds out!

x