you know that feeling when you, like say, send a risky text & then immediately want to crawl under your duvet & never come out ever again?
well imagine that text is your actual artwork - two prints complete with symbolism & a wee slice of your soul - wrapped up in a custom kweenie tube & sent halfway around the world!
yep. that!
so, a few weeks ago, i posted out “Genius” & “For Real”
kweenie feminist unapologetic pop art original featuring Marilyn Monroe - "genius"
kweenie feminist unapologetic pop art original featuring Marilyn Monroe - "for real"
2 of my best selling kweenie fine art prints to Australia
the buyer was hand-delivering them as a housewarming gift for her sister
OMG how cute is that?
sisterly love (right up my street), a new home & a print drop from Scotland to Brisbane
it felt well, lush!
the prints were wrapped, packaged & protected like royalty (as they should be)
they hadn’t been seen IRL by the buyer or the sister in Oz – it was a surprise!
well, they flew across the globe in their wee kweenie tube, passport not required, but pretty sure they turned left when they got on the plane!
then i got a message…
no not a review. not a “we’re obsessed!” not a “how do I hang this?”
nope, i got a photo of the kweenie tube posing in front of the Sydney Harbour Bridge – living her best life
OMG my work 10.5k miles from where it was made now that’s a career defining moment for me
i mean, iconic AF. but also… still sealed. still wrapped!
& then… nothing except radio silence!
ooft enter: THE FEAR
no follow-up. no tag. no email. nowt, nada!
except... the sister who received them did start following me on Instagram about a week later - woohoo!
which i tell myself, using the rational side of my brain, is a good sign. right?
but then... THE FEAR starts it’s v unwelcome chit chat
you know the other side of your brain?
the one thats starts crafting elaborate AF scenarios like:
"what if she opened it & it wasn’t what she expected?"
"what if she was too polite to say she hated it?"
"what if the tube looked better than the actual prints?"
"what if i’m just not cut out for this?"
THE FEAR doesn’t care about logic or rationalising sh*t!
it doesn’t care that people rarely message just to say
“It’s perfect!”
but they do when something’s wrong
it doesn’t care that, eh hello, your buyer’s out there hugging their sister, sightseeing, living it up & your prints aren’t exactly top of their priority list, ffs!
it doesn’t care that this has happened before & everything turned out fine
THE FEAR just wants to whisper or sometimes shout, if you let it
"you're a fraud"
in your ear, while you’re trying to pretend there’s nothing to see here, i’m calm, i’m cool, it’s all good!
but here’s the thing (cue the psychology bit)
our brains are wired to protect us, & that means expecting the worst
psychologists call it negativity bias - the tendency to fixate on what might go wrong over what’s likely to go right
we could have 99 bits of positive feedback, but that one time someone went quiet? our nervous system throws a parade in its f*cking honour!
selling your work as an artist is vulnerable. full stop!
you’re putting your heart, your hands, & your whole wee weird brain out there & asking people to pay for it!
it’s not just business, it’s well, personal
& sometimes, it feels less like launching a "product" & more like doing a striptease in a room full of judges
& not just any judges, think porn stars with surgically perfected paps & bleached buttholes who’ve seen it all & don’t even blink!
meanwhile, you're just there, baring your tits (aka your art soul) & hoping someone out there gets it
hmmm is it the best analogy? probs not
but you feel me, right? ooft. let’s move on before it gets weird(er)
‘cause at the end of the day, you’re not just sending prints
you’re sending your story, your soul, your whole messy, weird self
& sometimes it’s easier to assume the silence means disaster than to sit in the "not-knowing"
but kween i reckon i’ve got to learn to sit in the not-knowing
& this is when resilience needs to kick in
the truth is, THE FEAR never really goes away, even when you’ve poured your guts into the work
it just gets a wee bit quieter the more you show up anyway
i still overthink (waaaay too much) – even when someone’s carried my work halfway across the world
i still get the wobbles (a lot) - even when you know the work is good!
i still hit “post” or “send” & feel like i need a lie-down in a darkened room
but i’m not letting THE FEAR win
so in the lead-up to my FLUX Exhibition in London in july, i’m flipping the script
i want to remind people of their worth & that putting yourself out there doesn’t have to mean literally bracing for impact
& ‘cause i don’t believe in doing things quietly, i’ve got some kweenie-style chaos planned across the capital, think:
🩷 pocket-sized pep talks (it might just be the kick-up-the-arse & emotional hug you need all in one)
🩷 treasure hunt giveaways that share the kweenie love
🩷 guerrilla drops of kweenie merch, cause everyone needs a f*ck-the-fear pick me up
so if you’re in London, keep your eyes peeled for those, oh & come to the FLUX Exhibition
see the work in person & feel it (better be careful i’m heading back into my earlier porn star territory here)
if the capital is not for you then become a kween so you don’t miss out on all the love
love you, bye
kx
PS whilst THE FEAR is still very REAL i also know this:
1. THE FEAR doesn’t disappear just 'cause someone buys your work
2. no feedback isn’t the same as bad feedback - silence isn’t proof you got it wrong
3. you’ve got to back yourself especially when no one’s clapping
4. THE FEAR says the same sh*t every time & it’s boring. but f*ck it & keep going anyway kween!
side note wtf will THE FEAR throw at me when i start commissions? - that's another chronicle of kweenie for sure!
x
2 comments
I understand what you mean about the fear, but like you say “fuck-the-fear” x
Feel the fear and do it anyway! You got this. X